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Yes, but it's not as if I kicked him out! I told him I still accepted him!

[ wow thomas MAKE IT ALL ABOUT YOU ]

I know you're not lying, but Bertolt needs time to believe it. There are people here who hate him for what he did - and I can't say they're wrong. Before I knew the truth, I would have said I hated all Titans too.

[ marco shrugs sadly. ]

I know that he didn't come up with the idea on his own - that he's nothing more than a soldier to whatever they are. But it's not something you easily get over when it's ruined your life.

[I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU EXPECTED FROM THOMAS

Thank god, though, Marco's words settle his ruffled feathers a bit-- he was nice, okay, he wants credit where credit is due. Thomas exhales and goes to the stove, taking off the whistling kettle.]

Edward . . . some of you and your friends' names sound German to us. We fought against the Germans, in our war at home. I know I was rather wary of Bertolt when I heard that name, and Reiner's as well. I imagine Edward was as well-- even more so than I, frankly.

I can't say I'd outright loathe a German if I met one here, but . . . I wouldn't precisely be friendly to one either.

Is that why Armin and Eren don't live with you lot?

Edited 2014-12-09 04:34 (UTC)

Were they an army? It's a little different when it's three people you trained with that ended up being your enemy, whom you've said you've hated whenever the subject came up.

[ marco is fiddling with a salt shaker on thomas' table, though carefully - salt is a rare commodity at home. when thomas asks about armin and eren, he purses his lips and looks up. ]

That's part of it. Eren's mother and father were killed in the same Titan attack that took down the first wall - the one Bertolt and Reiner caused. He swore to kill them - or rather, their Titan selves. Finding out the truth hasn't changed that.

Armin lost his grandfather, and his parents before that. When Jean and I brought Bertolt home after Reiner left, Armin felt as if we'd ignored all that he did. And in a sense, we are.

[ marco sets the salt shaker down. ]

I know I wouldn't be this gentle with Bertolt at home. But I don't have a home to go back to, so it doesn't matter.

You have Jean, don't you? I thought you two were close.

Yes? I have Jean, what does that have to do with anything?

[ he doesn't get what thomas is getting at, not realizing that the home comment could be misunderstood. ]

Well, what do you mean, you don't have a home to go to? If you have Jean, that's home enough, isn't it?

I - oh.

[ marco raises a hand to rub at the back of his neck, looking a little sad. ]

It is home enough, but it's not... it doesn't change what happens at home. [ he takes a deep breath. ] Jean finds my body after the attack on Trost - the second time Bertolt knocks down the wall. I don't make it through our first battle.

[The color drains out of his face. Thomas at Marco, suddenly sick to his stomach-- not only by the thought of this cheerful man, of his friend, dead, but at the casual way he says it.]

You die?

[ it's not casual, or at least - marco doesn't mean for it to come off that way. he's broken down and cried about it before, with jean, and he's argued with armin about it when armin said he didn't care about going home.

ariel is all he has left, and he knows it. he tries not to focus on it most days. ]

I guess. I mean - I don't remember if it happens. I was safe as far as I knew - or as safe as any one of us were. We knew death was always a risk, but -

[ marco cuts himself off, moving his hand to press the heel of his palm against his eyes for a moment. ]

It's part of the reason Jean doesn't like it when he thinks I get hurt.

[He edges closer, reaching out a hand to rest it on his arm.]

No wonder. I wouldn't either, if I were him-- god.

[ when thomas moves a hand to rest it on his arm, marco looks up, smiling a little, and he moves a hand to rest it over thomas'. ]

I know Bertolt blames himself. [ there was also the ugly fact that marco wasn't sure if his death was 'accidental' or intentional - since he knows annie stole his gear. ] Jean, too. It wasn't Jean's fault.

[ the silent admission - it is bertolt's, a little. ]

But that's why it's easier for me to say it doesn't matter. It's why I don't get mad when Eren and Armin say it does.

[It is indeed Bertolt's fault, but it's hard to agree with Jean's blame-- Thomas wasn't there, no, but it sounds as if he's blaming himself for simply not being there.]

Would you go back, if you could?

[ marco has to think on that for a moment, tilting his head back a little and considering.

... If I knew that I had any chance of survival, I would. But Jean's not the only one who saw my body.

Who else?

Anyone else who saw it burned after the attack, I imagine.

[ marco knows what standard procedure after a titan attack is. you can't leave the bodies to rot. ]

Who the hell burned your body!

The army.

[ marco lets go of thomas' hand to fold his arms and bury his head in them on the table. muffled: ]

Standard procedure after a devastating attack is to gather the bodies and burn them on pyres to prevent secondary infection through disease.

Marco--

[He's never heard of such a barbaric tradition. Thomas edges his seat closer, his hand rubbing comfortingly over the other's back.]

[ it's thomas' kindness that actually breaks the camel's back, as it were. when thomas rubs a hand over his back, marco gives a little noise from behind his arm, a muffled sob. his body shakes a little, and then he's immediately raising his head, rubbing a hand over his eyes. ]

Sorry - it's fine. I'm fine.

Oh, shh--

[His hand shifts, caressing Marco's cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear.]

Come here.

No, I - it's not -

[ but he leans into thomas' touch anyway, and when the other man offers it, he leans closer, wrapping his arms around him. he's not quite ready to fully cry and be upset all over again, but he takes the comfort when it's given. ]

[It's a little awkward in two chairs, but he gathers Marco in his arms anyway, his grip strong. Gently he kisses the top of his head and tries not to think of Marco's body, burned and charred, eyes blank and unseeing.]

[ marco tries not to think about those kinds of things, too. he asked jean when he found out if his death meant something, if they closed the hole in the wall; and the fact that they did is the only comfort he can take.

he tries not to think of jean and armin going on without him, or eren and sasha; he tries not to think of his poor mother, his younger sibling. he thinks about them now, though, and it makes his shoulders shake a little as he holds back another sob, his hands gripping tight onto thomas.

this is something that he tries not to let either of his lovers see, or really any of his friends from home. he's scared to die and there's nothing he can do to stop it, except hope he stays here.

eventually, he calms down again, and he speaks, his voice a little rough. ]

... I'm sorry.

You've nothing to be sorry about.

[He kisses the top of his head again.]

Do you want to lie on the couch a bit?

ic contact

action;

action;

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action;

action; trauma meets trauma in a head on battle

action; BOY OH BOY

action; WHEE

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action; so much headcanon.

action;

action; also i'm lazy about thinking up new names

action; ASKS ABOUT A MILLION NAMES

action; NO FUCK OFF

action; RUDE

action; ur face is food