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[ it's not casual, or at least - marco doesn't mean for it to come off that way. he's broken down and cried about it before, with jean, and he's argued with armin about it when armin said he didn't care about going home.

ariel is all he has left, and he knows it. he tries not to focus on it most days. ]

I guess. I mean - I don't remember if it happens. I was safe as far as I knew - or as safe as any one of us were. We knew death was always a risk, but -

[ marco cuts himself off, moving his hand to press the heel of his palm against his eyes for a moment. ]

It's part of the reason Jean doesn't like it when he thinks I get hurt.

[He edges closer, reaching out a hand to rest it on his arm.]

No wonder. I wouldn't either, if I were him-- god.

[ when thomas moves a hand to rest it on his arm, marco looks up, smiling a little, and he moves a hand to rest it over thomas'. ]

I know Bertolt blames himself. [ there was also the ugly fact that marco wasn't sure if his death was 'accidental' or intentional - since he knows annie stole his gear. ] Jean, too. It wasn't Jean's fault.

[ the silent admission - it is bertolt's, a little. ]

But that's why it's easier for me to say it doesn't matter. It's why I don't get mad when Eren and Armin say it does.

[It is indeed Bertolt's fault, but it's hard to agree with Jean's blame-- Thomas wasn't there, no, but it sounds as if he's blaming himself for simply not being there.]

Would you go back, if you could?

[ marco has to think on that for a moment, tilting his head back a little and considering.

... If I knew that I had any chance of survival, I would. But Jean's not the only one who saw my body.

Who else?

Anyone else who saw it burned after the attack, I imagine.

[ marco knows what standard procedure after a titan attack is. you can't leave the bodies to rot. ]

Who the hell burned your body!

The army.

[ marco lets go of thomas' hand to fold his arms and bury his head in them on the table. muffled: ]

Standard procedure after a devastating attack is to gather the bodies and burn them on pyres to prevent secondary infection through disease.

Marco--

[He's never heard of such a barbaric tradition. Thomas edges his seat closer, his hand rubbing comfortingly over the other's back.]

[ it's thomas' kindness that actually breaks the camel's back, as it were. when thomas rubs a hand over his back, marco gives a little noise from behind his arm, a muffled sob. his body shakes a little, and then he's immediately raising his head, rubbing a hand over his eyes. ]

Sorry - it's fine. I'm fine.

Oh, shh--

[His hand shifts, caressing Marco's cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear.]

Come here.

No, I - it's not -

[ but he leans into thomas' touch anyway, and when the other man offers it, he leans closer, wrapping his arms around him. he's not quite ready to fully cry and be upset all over again, but he takes the comfort when it's given. ]

[It's a little awkward in two chairs, but he gathers Marco in his arms anyway, his grip strong. Gently he kisses the top of his head and tries not to think of Marco's body, burned and charred, eyes blank and unseeing.]

[ marco tries not to think about those kinds of things, too. he asked jean when he found out if his death meant something, if they closed the hole in the wall; and the fact that they did is the only comfort he can take.

he tries not to think of jean and armin going on without him, or eren and sasha; he tries not to think of his poor mother, his younger sibling. he thinks about them now, though, and it makes his shoulders shake a little as he holds back another sob, his hands gripping tight onto thomas.

this is something that he tries not to let either of his lovers see, or really any of his friends from home. he's scared to die and there's nothing he can do to stop it, except hope he stays here.

eventually, he calms down again, and he speaks, his voice a little rough. ]

... I'm sorry.

You've nothing to be sorry about.

[He kisses the top of his head again.]

Do you want to lie on the couch a bit?

[ marco feels like he has a lot to be sorry for, least of which is crying on thomas. but he shakes his head after a moment. ]

No, I think I'm okay. But some tea would be lovely.

Mm, all right.

[The water's a little cooler now, but not so much it spoils the tea. He pours them both a large cup each, strains the leaves, and smiles over at him.]

Go on. You'll feel better after a cup. Famous English cure.

[ this is at least something they have in common. although tea like this isn't as common at home, it's still common enough, and marco smiles back. ]

That's something my mother used to say. Well, not the English part, but that tea made everyone feel better.

Tell me about her.

[ that question actually surprises marco, but it's a good distraction. he looks at his cup of tea, thinking. ]

My father was a member of the Garrison. He died when I was younger - no Titan attack, just a simple mishap, as I understand it. It was right after my little brother was born.

Jinae is pretty close knit. It's not as far out as Dauper, where Sasha's from, but it's not a true city town like Shiganshina or Trost. So when my father died, the town came together to make sure my mother, brother and I had food to eat. We never had a lot, but we worked together for what we did have. If I hadn't joined the army, I probably would have become a fieldworker, like my mother was when I was younger.

My mother... she worked hard for us. She always made sure we had time to go the festivals, and she taught me how to read and write, and I helped her teach my brother. I just... she cooked and worked hard, and I remember that she was always there for us if we were upset. She taught me that putting out good gives you good in return, even if it takes a while.

[ softer. ]

I miss her. I wrote her quite a bit but didn't get to see her that much before I graduated.

Edited 2014-12-10 08:07 (UTC)

[It sounds nice. He doesn't particularly care, truthfully, but it's good for Marco to talk about something else, and family tends to be a good subject.]

She sounds like a lovely woman. I didn't know you had a brother, though. What's his name?

[ marco may even know thomas doesn't particularly care about his family, but he's grateful to talk about them. he smiles a little when thomas speaks. ]

Well, you never asked - but I don't talk about him a lot. His name's Isaac... he's a few years younger than me, but he's almost old enough to join the army too.

You're fond of him?

He's my brother.

[ as if that explains everything. ]

action; RUDE

smokingandplotting - 2014-12-12 05:54 (UTC) - Expand

action; ur face is food

pyred - 2014-12-12 05:55 (UTC) - Expand

ic contact

action; trauma meets trauma in a head on battle

action; BOY OH BOY

action; WHEE

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action; so much headcanon.

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action; also i'm lazy about thinking up new names

action; ASKS ABOUT A MILLION NAMES

action; NO FUCK OFF

action; RUDE

action; ur face is food