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marco y is my boyfriend over here lookin like the wall fell again

[ good thing marco has had a bit of time and armin crying to calm down. ]

He got mad about one of the sex things I said I liked on that new app thing.

Or, well, that's what started it. He and I had an argument and he's... he's not comfortable with Bertolt being here, I think, and he's upset we didn't ask him about it first.

armin is kinda finicky about sex to begin with he isnt vry comfortable with it all so i guess im not surprised its why i didnt do that he doesnt need to know what kind of shit im into/have done hed probably pitch a fit at me 2

that im not surprised about either

listen im not gonna get mad at you because i really admire you marco and in ur circumstances you can do what you want but its hard to explain how hard it is to deal with bertolt and i have fucked him twice now im not even gonna act like i havent

and i no u and jean cant separate who he was from who he is but

i dont no if theres anyway to really explain wat its like to have someone you saw as an older brother (at least in my case) go from someone admirable to the reason every single part of ur life has been ruined let alone what he did to me later on

No I know. I got angry at him because he was acting like I was going to do that stuff to him, and I think it... might have been because Bertolt had the same thing too.

I don't think he gets how to have weird sex the safe way, and that made me angry, but....

The thing is I know what he said about us not asking him is right, me and jean were both in the wrong there, but Eren...

I'm not saying I've forgiven Bertolt and I'm not saying you or Armin should ever have to, but I think if he could have he wouldn't have done any of it. Maybe it doesn't mean anything to you but it means something to me.

But I don't wanna make Armin uncomfortable, but since Reiner left I don't want Bertolt to go out and do something stupid. I know Jean did a lot of stupid stuff when I was gone, no one ever told me what he did but I just... I can't let that happen again if I can prevent it, even if it's Bertolt.

u no what happened between us right hes probably petrified and thats... my fault... so i guess i need to apologize to u about that but at the same time i would take precautions with bertolt im gonna tell you right now dont blindly trust him u are smarter than that his loyalties dont lie with humanity

sorry but i cant believe that he didnt even see anything wrong with killing people when he kidnapped me and they both took out my fuckin arms and legs that's time two if anyones keeping count that ive almost been reduced to a useless stump thx to them or as a result of them

at the same time bertolts still an idiot and bound to crumble on his own esp when hes a human now and he has to basically deal with it

id also rather someone have an eye on him than have him disappear when our abilities could come back again at any time and who knows what the fuck he might do so theres that

if you guys want to keep him as a pet im not going to argue with you ur both pretty set on staying here or whatever and ignoring basically everything about our world from now on which you in particular have an excuse for its not like i wouldnt embrace a second chance at life but theres never gonna be any chance of reconciliation between us and him

im not gonna forget what it was like trying to pry my mother crushed body out from under our house im not gonna forget watching her back being broken and her body torn in half by a titan and im not gonna forget the hell of living in the landfill in the aftermath of my life falling apart

im not going to forget that bertolt and reiner no matter what their circumstances chose to open that hell onto me armin mikasa jean you all of us im not going to forget that you died because of annie or watching thomas die right before my eyes screaming for his life

for all those people i will kill reiner and bertolt in due time in our world no matter what you or jean or anyone has to say because even if jeans stupid ass wants to reject the world thats rightfully his like its rightfully all of ours im going to win it back for everyone if im stuck with the responsibility of my powers

and if that bothers you im sorry but that will never change now that i know the truth i have lost way too much and so has everyone else

[ marco has never asked bertolt what happened. he wasn't even aware eren was kidnapped, or that he had his limbs cut off. the worst part is - while it shakes him, he knows he's not going to kick bertolt out.

but it is, perhaps, good to have eren telling him to take precautions. he believes bertolt when he says he didn't want to do it, though. ]

i know.

i know that doesn't mean much and i'm sorry, but i know i can't ask you or armin or anyone else to forgive bertolt. i haven't forgiven him either, eren, i just... think there's someone bigger than him out there pulling the strings.

that doesn't absolve him and you're right, and for your sake and armin's and shiganshina's and trost i try to remember that even though i still care about him.

i wish i could turn it off but apparently this is the last thing i get before i die which is so weird to know, so i guess that means i get more leeway about it.

but eren, i still care about you and armin and i don't want you guys hurt. i guess it's naive but i really wish things were the way they were back in training, but i know it's not that way anymore and i'm sorry about that.

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